It means something when we say it means nothing It means something when we lie and say that It means nothing when we know that it means everything And all the ways in which we die When you just know Your brain's ready to just walk out that door But your heart's still beating and you know Tomorrow won't bring you any closer To the things you promised yourself All the traces, all the faces That haunt me in my sleep, they haunt me All the choices, all the voices That sing me from my sleep, they sing now: "You will never amount to anything but Endless lists of self doubt And things you never figured out"

I started back up with my pill taking And I lost all respect for myself I spend most of my nights steady shaking And I can't control myself And I'm sick of people telling me it's all right And I'm sick of people telling me I'm gonna be fine Because everyone's out to get me and so are you Everyone else has left me so, Why wouldn't you? Sometimes I think it might be time to reassess my lot in life But even if I did could I change the things I didn't like? Is this what it's supposed to feel like? Am I supposed to feel like my life Is going off with my consent? It's a train and I'm tied to the tracks Is this what it's supposed to feel like? When I'm alive Aren't I supposed to feel alive? Ain't there supposed to be parties? Ain't there supposed to be lights? And aren't I supposed to be happy? Or at least all right? Ain't there supposed to be dancing? Ain't there supposed to be fun? And aren't I supposed to miss this when it's done? Is this what it's supposed to feel like? Am I supposed to feel like my life Is going off with my consent? It's a train and I'm tied to the tracks Is this what it's supposed to feel like? When I'm alive Aren't I supposed to feel alive But the truth is, I'm scared I'm lonely and barely there The future has no lights, can't make my way in the dark I don't know how to get the fuck off my ass and start World's spinning too quickly, I can feel my stomach turn Too lazy to fix this, too stubborn to learn The system is unjust and I don't want to be a part Of this machine that propels us toward God knows what Not enough of us are wondering, "Hey, what the fuck?" I'm sick of feeling like I'm fighting a war and out of luck I'm scared I won't know what to do when it comes down to me I'm scared I'll stay the same and end up unfulfilled and lonely Don't want to work a nine to five, don't want to live, don't want to die Don't want to sleep, don't want to wake, don't want to shit, don't want to shake, fuck!

I don't smoke because if I did I would smoke CBCs or Marlboro Reds because You'll die from any kind of cigarette But I'd make sure that I felt like it I would smoke my lungs black I'd smoke holes in my neck I would smoke until my chest was filled with fire Until my skin was dry and cracked Would break with every bend and stretch I would smoke until my body got too tired I don't drink because if I did I would drink myself into oblivion I would pickle my liver in gin I would fall back down, never get up again I would puke up my life Flush it straight down the pipes Hey, out of sight, out of mind! I would marinate my organs Filled up and drained again I'd be the epitome of a vessel poorly designed I don't trust me with me I don't trust me with anything I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy on a road to self-annihilation Through public acts of humiliation for the sake of entertainment I don't trust me with me I don't trust me with anything I don't love because if I did I don't think I could handle it I have to try so hard when we kiss Because I can feel myself slipping in With every conversation, with every vacation I'm slow-motion stumbling in Against my better judgment, I'm starting to let go of it I'm letting that if turn into a did (Kobe!) (Bryant!)

I'm on empty in every way you could mean My heart, my car, my mp3, my wallet, and my body But I'm still driving, I'm still running, I'm still singing, I'm still gunning, as far as I can see And that's no surprise if you know me And man, you know me In all honesty, baby I don't know where I'll sleep tonight If a good friend calls from far away Baby, I just might Be speeding down 23 before my conscience can say to me, "You ain't got the gas or the time or dollars and dimes Just responsibility and a child's mind You can keep on living like you're last in line But when it's time, don't come crawling to me" It's time to grow up, it's time to be boring You gotta show up on time for everything You gotta abandon all those stupid dreams and live life on your fucking knees You gotta lose your dignity In all honesty, baby I don't know where I'll sleep tonight If a good friend calls from far away Baby, I just might Be speeding down 23 before my conscience can say to me, "You ain't got the gas or the time or dollars and dimes Just responsibility and a child's mind You can keep on living like you're last in line But when it's time, don't come crawling to me"

I wish my god had a kingdom I wish my god had a son I wish my god saved a place for me When my time was done I wish my god had some scripture I wish my god had mysterious ways That would make me feel better about All the bad things that came my way But my god, if he exists at all Is not the greatest big but the greatest small And my god, if he exists at all Has never been there for me at all It's not for lack of trying I used to pray every night and I would ask for the smallest sign I would've taken anything He'd like And I put my head in the holy water And I came like the lamb to the slaughter I sang the hymns to the Holy Father I sang them harder, I sang them louder! What a God! What a God! What a glorious God! What a glorious God is He! Can You hear me? Are You listening? I'm tired of singing my heart out and nobody letting it in Can you hear me? Are you listening? I'm tired of singing my heart out and nobody letting it in Can you hear me at all?

I feel the same as I did when I was six years old And oh my god, I feel so old I really don't feel anything It takes cowardice to be this alone But it's easy to make it look like you're brave And if it weren't for you, I would not be here today But nothing remains of the person you saved So I called out for God, but no one was home So I called out for you, but you left me alone We all know how this goes, I'm broken and broke In the back seat of a Ford where your sister did coke My shoes on my hands, my pillow a coat My head on the note on the side of the road In my wildest dreams I never guessed this is how I would go This is how I will go

I like to blame things on the underwear I was wearing If I have a bad day those fuckers get put away I like to blame things on the weather, rain or shine It's too hot, it's too cold, oh my, oh my I like to blame things on how much cologne I was wearing I put too much on, came on too strong, that's what went wrong I like to blame things on genetics and genes, those fucking things I like to blame things on anybody else but me I like to blame things on the fears that I haven't conquered yet Like being abandoned and not being content Heaven knows I've been there before Hell knows I'll be there quite a few times more I try too hard, come off too soft And I'm scared of everyone I see And I know there's a proper place for this stuff But it's nowhere near me I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried to tell the truth But you and I both know that's so hard to do I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried to tell the truth Isn't that what Jesus would want me to do? I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried to tell the truth But you and I both know that's so hard to do I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried to tell the truth But I could not make it through I tried, I tried, I tried to do everything right I tried to keep God in mind

Lyrics by Yoni Wolf of "Why?" I'm not a ladies man, I'm a landmine Filming my own fake death Under an 88 Cavalier I go But but but but nothing but the rear bumper's blown But I was born for this flight United 955 on the fifth of July Back to SFOI, I join the dark side In a thin disguise, on consumer grade video at night Faking suicide for applause in the food courts and malls And cursing racing horses on chariot steps Playing them all at singles bingo, all time gringo Did anyone hear me cry there? Through a toilet stall divider I swear I care, God! And am I an example of a calculated birth? To a star chart for clowns? I'm not! Under robins eggs in a nest You hid a manilla envelope with one last little robin egg in it A hollow bullet yet, spent Subject to dismissal, I wish all my pitfalls could be culled by this call Cheery-a Cheery-e Cheery-i Cheerio Cheeri-u

Late at night in the middle of a city Where nobody knows me And I can't stop feeling like I fucked up somewhere But I guess it was silly of me To think that our loyalty Was anything special at all But I thought we were better That we'd stick together Through the thick and thin I guess I was wrong again I went to your house yesterday To pick up stuff from Saturday And I left a little bit In case I wanted to come back in I know it's pathetic You stabbed me in the back and I just keep calling back, man Like nothing ever happened But it did I want you to hate yourself I want you to hate yourself I want you to hate yourself And that makes me hate myself I need to know that what I believed Wasn't just what I wanted to believe I need to know that you miss me Because missing you is killing me I should just let go, I should just let go And it makes me hate myself I want you to know that I don't want you to know That you made me hate myself I want you to hate yourself Because I hate myself

I got a message for my heroes The people in whom I see all the things I want to be Well I don't need you Because I won't rest until all of the things I want to be are me I got a message for my medicine The little pills in which I gave too much control over me Well I don't need you Because I won't let these chemicals be my identity And I don't believe them when they say That things just have to be this way Because I finally got the guts To stop letting good enough be fucking good enough To all of my ex friends and girlfriends The people to whom I gave all of me, well guess what? I don't need you I'm stronger than I ever thought that I could be I'm almost happy, well can you believe that? After all the times I have laid on the tracks Well I can feel it getting easier And I want to be brave, won't take no for an answer I will live each day harder and faster than The day before because there is no ever after Just a full stop not a fucking semi-colon I want to be brave and make the most of it Don't believe them when they say Things have to be this way That things can't and will not change We can't do anything We're stronger than the shackles that bind us We're not gonna die like this We have the guts, never let good enough Be fucking good enough

And when I die, my footprints will be erased My words and screams will fade away No one will remember by name or face Repeat after me, "And that's okay!" And when we die, we'll just decompose And insects will make nests out of our bones We'll be together until the sun explodes Repeat after me, "We're not alone!" And when we die, we'll be free! From this never ending cycle of mediocrity From disappointment! From c'est la vie! Ready? I'm not afraid! I'm not okay! But I'm getting better everyday! And I'm not waiting for some kind of sign My life is mine and only mine! If there's a God, he's just like me Scared and fucking lonely! I'm not afraid to be forgotten Because we're not here to sign our names But to scream and shout them I don't know what I'm gonna do I don't know if I ever want to I'm alive and that's just fine with me

I'm as bitter as I've ever been I'm as angry as I was back then I'm as restless as a sinner in the pew I'm not better, sorry I thought I was I'm falling down, not catching up I can't help but compare myself to you And I know it's romanticized Our fates were never entwined It always felt like something missing But it's as good an excuse as any To drown myself in baths of pity To always be in need of listening I'm no better than the things I hate The hypocrites, ignorants, the fakes Who the fuck am I to say I'm right? And I hide behind these selfish songs With this smile I held all along Just waiting for the camera's flashing light I'm an asshole who thinks he has the right To ask for your applause every Friday night When all he's done is make himself the victim I'm a self-important, no talent hack Idealizing the things I lack Instead of sucking it up and trying to earn them And living with the grand illusion Presenting my flaws in grand collusion Will somehow make them more okay They say you only have to live with yourself But I'm trying to work that part out So I can live a block or two away It's getting harder to believe In my false sense of superiority That the drugs I don't do and the meat I don't eat Somehow make you not as good as me And I could not beat them but I did not join I hit the mark but I missed the point Alone for the weekend, for the rest of my life While everyone else laughs and passes the light And I look myself in the face And ask, "What was the fucking point anyway?" It's getting easier to doubt All of the things that I used to shout With my fist in the air, revolution in my mouth Gone bitter and cold from never coming out My immature ideals, so unrealistic And my words on a page, so narcissistic And I stutter and stammer and come off like a dick A pragmatic, hypocrite, pessimist And I look myself in the face And ask, "What was the fucking point anyway? Why do I always have to complain? Why can't I ever stay where I want to stay? Why do I ascribe meaning to the mundane? And ask, "What was the fucking point anyway?"" Life was shouting her answers in my ear But after all the house shows, bars, and venues, my ringing ears could not hear What did I expect her to say to me? That everything's okay? It's not, and it never will be That everything has a purpose? Someday it will all make sense? Well fuck that! And fuck you! I don't need a master plan! I've got everything I need I've got you and you and you and you and you and you've all got me! So let's stop living in the past Let's stop living for the ever fleeting present Let's stop living for what's next Because eventually the only thing left is death Let's stop living for a God that don't exist Let's stop living for those who see us as votes and statistics Let's stop living for country, creed, race, class, and sect and Let's start living for each other because we're all that's left We're the only thing that's left